Why is it so hard to change???
One of the single biggest issues a lot of people have when they begin to change something is remembering they have chosen to stop doing the things they want to change and replace them with doing the things they really want to be doing.
It sounds a little bizarre when you think about it, ‘You decide that ‘whatever it is’, you are no longer wanting to do…. is done, finished, gone … and you are not going to be doing it anymore. Whatever it is… the way you think, the way you eat, the lifestyle you lead, your level of activity or the plain old ‘I’m just not satisfied anymore with what I am doing’ thought. You may have thought it for a long time and you may have spoken about it too but this is it.
Most decisions to change are committed to within your evenings. After another long day of doing some of the things, you are wanting to stop doing… there is a commonality that people feel as they approach this commitment to change. It has been often described to me as ‘Relief’ accompanied with a flow of words with determination and energy of commitment to the change in hand… the line is drawn in the sand and that’s that… it’s done. You go to bed committed to a new you… pretty straight forward so far… agreed ???
The alarm introduces a new day with new opportunities and before you know it… you are halfway through the day and you’re doing the same things as you did yesterday… the very things you committed to not do only the night before… you forgot… what is that about and more importantly why does it keep happening ???
Change is something that we all experience throughout our lives whether the change is your decision or not and if you want to or not… Part of this difficulty of remembering comes down to several reasons and the way you describe yourself and how you see yourself are certainly two really impactful reasons… these are discussed in quite some depth right throughout the Beyond the Mask processes.
One of the exercises that people utilise whilst going through the ‘One to One’ programme is writing a daily reflection log and sending it to me. This exercise enables people to have a considered reflection of their day and how they dealt with their challenges of change… They share how their thoughts and emotions impact on how they presented themselves in varying situations. It’s not just a nice story to read how someone’s day has gone… it is a tool that enables people to discuss how they dealt with the good, the bad and the downright ugly of circumstances that we all experience in our daily lives.
I was working with a young man of 16 who was learning so much about not just himself but he had also begun to expand his thoughts to others too… One of the questions I had asked him to explore was
‘Why do people do what they do when they don’t really want to do it ???
Of course, there will always be some aspects of life when we all do the things we all have to do that are not as appealing as other parts of life. We must find as my pleasure and acceptance as we can when we do these things…. I’m talking about those big things we do that we don’t really want to be doing anymore.
He responded to the question the following evening and explained that from his experience of not just himself but of others too was pretty simple…. It was ‘Fake Essentials’ and with his permission, I share with you a section of his daily refection log that I received…
I have thought about why we do the things that we don’t want to do, and I think it is because people take on too much responsibility. They forget about who they are and don’t take into consideration that at their very basic level we all only need food, water and shelter to survive; everything else is a choice. They have taken on too much responsibility for other people and they suddenly find themselves thinking that they have to do these things in order to survive or be a part of something. It just becomes a part of their day and all of a sudden people have created a list of fake essentials that they think they need to do even though they really don’t have to. It is these self-made fake essentials that force people to do things that they don’t want to do.
Amazing insight from someone who experiences more challenges than most in life and still only 16 years old
What Fake Essentials do you have in your life?
All too often it is these ‘fake essentials’ that we all have that are to blame for you forgetting your chosen changes. They begin to connect to your consciousness as you begin to wake from your sleep… and without having an alternative mind-set the chances are, you will have got up, got dressed and showed up for your day with the abandoned changes firmly connected to the varying masks you wear through the day.
A great way to remember what fake essentials you are abandoning is ‘The Morning Mantra’ which is another exercise you can read about in a prior post.
Have a great day and remember… you do have choices of who you are and what you do.